Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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