sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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