two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
