I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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