Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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