Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize