i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
