C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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