Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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