I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
