I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Terrible idea I love it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
