barbara walters just said penis...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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