btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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