She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
