i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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