dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
