I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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