i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
