Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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