I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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