wat bout pragnant strippers??
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
