well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We have so much sex to catch up on
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
