textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize