I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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