I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
