so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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