dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
