Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
