The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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