noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize