she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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