omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
