Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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