break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
