Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
