I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
