I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
