I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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