remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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