I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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