I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
