I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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