Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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