You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
