Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
