***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
