I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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