i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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