I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
