I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
only if we run a train.
done.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
