dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
