Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
