i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
