Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
