a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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