Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
