Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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