Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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