he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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