summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
