I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
