My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
