Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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