Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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