I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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